Cornfields and Skepticism

It's been a little while since I posted...and there is a good reason.  I found myself slipping deeper and deeper into cynicism, skeptisism, and almost unbelief.  I HAD TO TAKE A BREAK!!  I found myself many times reading Christian blogs, listening to another sermon, or seeing some corny Christian Facebook post that, to be honest, angered me (cheesy church signs put me over the edge).  Then to top it off, I would get emails from Christians giving me some advice that was ridiculously platitudinized.  It was the typical religious response that, to be honest, just bores me to death anymore.  I'm going to make a huge confession here, religion, church, and Christianity and really quite boring to me, has become quite dull, and is like an old country town that you grew up in that never changes, and you spend your whole life trying to get out of it and make something of yourself because you don't want to be like everybody else in that town (longest run on sentence ever).  It's like a vicious cycle where everybody become like everbody else, uniqueness is gone, and you just take over the family business.  In more simple terms...it has become very ridiculously dull.

THEN...something awesome happened a couple of weeks ago.  As I was driving back home a brand spankin' new perspective suddenly came upon me.  I began noticing things that I hadn't noticed before--even though I had seen them a million times.  This next part may be boring to you, but I must say it was exhilerating...even breath taking for me.  I saw green cornfields swaying in the breeze as the sun was setting.  It was as if God, himself, painted the most beautiful picture, put 3-D glasses on me, and then added motion.   The hills, that I had drove past year after year after year, came alive with colors, life, energy.  The sunset was...well...I can't really explain it...it was so incredible that all I could do was tear up and say..."WOW, there is a God."  My car felt like I was on one of those IMAX theater chairs where you are surrounded by 1080p awesomeness. 

AND, that is when this little thought came to me, "You missed the reality of what is right in front of you all of these years and it wasn't until you left and came back that you could see it for what it really was all along." It was then and there that things begin to make sense.  I had been in "it" for so long that I no longer saw it for what it really was...even though it surrounded me 24/7.  My "eyes" had become "dull."  It was also in this moment...call it God, call it maturity, call it a revelation--whatever, that it is ok, even necessary to leave something for a while, in order to come back and see it for what it really is.  Ohio has never been more beautiful in my 38 year life.  Family has never been more precious to me, than they are right now.  Simple things, like going to the driving range and hitting balls with my son, have never been more beautiful.  I believe it is ok to walk away from church...even Christianity as a religion, for a while.  When you are in it for so long sometimes you miss the beauty of what it really is.  It becomes like a small town, or a local bar, or a job that you go to everyday for 30 years...DULL!! 

I think good-byes are healthy...even necessary.  I felt a peace when I realized, "I need to leave for a little while, so that when I come back I can see the beauty of what it really is."  I know that is probably against  everything I preached for so long and maybe against very firm beliefs that some Christians reading this might have.  I don't want to become like that old dude that never left Mayberry who constantly looks angry and is bashing anybody new coming in.  I also don't want to become the person who left Mayberry and is constantly bashing it for what it never becomes. Does that mean I quit blogging...naaaa!  My blogs will become just a little more personal and introspective.  One day I may want to break a scripture down historically and linguistically, sometimes I may just say, "You know, today sucked...here's why."  So, I will continue to Lech Lecha...and I hope if you are stuck, dull, and feel trapped in church, you can feel that is ok to leave...God won't condemn you.  He told Abram to do it...