Codependency

codependency |ˌkōdəˈpendənsē|

noun

excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically a partner who requires support due to an illness or addiction.

Here is what the wonderful Wikipedia says (or as I like to call it; "THE GREAT AND POWERFUL OZ"): "Codependency is defined as a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition (typically narcissism or drug addiction); and in broader terms, it refers to the dependence on the needs of, or control of, another.^[1] It also often involves placing a lower priority on one's own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others.^[2] Codependency can occur in any type of relationship, including family, work, friendship, and also romantic, peer or community relationships.^[2] Codependency may also be characterized by denial, low self-esteem, excessive compliance, or control patterns.^[2] Narcissists are considered to be natural magnets for the codependent." -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codependency

Please, stick with me on this blog...I'll try not to be too teachy or bore you.  I discovered this the other day and I think it has some huge implications and some really freeing applications...but it will take some courage.  Read this carefully:
 
John 2:12-16 (NCV)
¹² After this, Jesus went to the town of Capernaum with his mother, brothers, and followers. They stayed there for just a few days. ¹³ When it was almost time for the Jewish Passover Feast, Jesus went to Jerusalem. ¹⁴ In the Temple he found people selling cattle, sheep, and doves. He saw others sitting at tables, exchanging different kinds of money. ¹⁵ Jesus made a whip out of cords and forced all of them, both the sheep and cattle, to leave the Temple. He turned over the tables and scattered the money of those who were exchanging it. ¹⁶ Then he said to those who were selling pigeons, “Take these things out of here! Don’t make my Father’s house a place for buying and selling!”

Who were "others" that Jesus was so pissed at...so much so he made a whip and literally ran them out of the Temple.  Jesus made a passing statement about the "others" by quoting Jeremiah 7:11.  In Jeremiah's passage, he is calling out the religious leaders of that day.  In Hebrew, Jeremiah called the leaders, "perı̂yts", meaning violent unashamed swindlers/murderers.  That's pretty harsh!!  The "others" sitting at the tables, exchanging money for cattle, sheep, and doves, were the priests--the highest position in religion (they were like mini-popes in Catholism).  The priests were like our pastors today in American Christianity.  They were the leaders of that religion, just like pastors are the leaders of most denominations in Christianity...they were the religious celebrities that everybody wanted to get to know, be associated with, and wanted their kids to be like.  

So, what was the big deal about selling animals?  Pay attention very closely...animal sacrifices have been around since the beginning of time in most major religions.  Ancient Judaism wasn't any different.  You can see very early on in Genesis before there was the Mosaic law, which required sacrifices,  Cain and Abel brought sacrifices to God.  The sacrifice that was acceptable was Abel's.  Abel brought a portion of an animal HE RAISED.  That is very important.  As the story continues in the Bible, people were required to raise their own animals to sacrifice, put in the hard work, feed it, care for it, and then bring it to the Temple where they would have to help kill it.  They literally had blood, sweat, and tears in the whole process.  They were directly connected to it!  Some of them lived far away from the Temple and had to make a journey that took several days.  Therefore, they had to carry the sacrifice on their shoulders, hundreds of miles in order to keep it "clean." 

Here the words of a rabbi: "the Hebrew word for "sacrifice" (Korban, le-hakriv) is from the same root as "to come near, to approach. . . . to become closely involved in a relationship with someone." For this is meant to be the essence of the experience which the bearer of the sacrifice undergoes. Indeed, it is unfortunate that no word in the English language can adequately render the idea behind the Hebrew word korban. We allow ourselves to use the word "sacrifice" for lack of a better word, but it is a highly unsuccessful attempt at translation; it could even be called unfortunate. The idea of a sacrifice or offering seems to indicate a gift or present; giving up something of value for another's benefit, or going without something of value yourself, for the benefit of that other.

None of this gift-giving idea is present in the idea of the korban. First of all, it is a word which never carries a connotation of a present or gift, and is used exclusively by the Bible in the context of man's relationship with God. Thus its true meaning can only be grasped through its root...the concept of coming close.

People are under the impression that the whole idea was to bring something precious to God and give it to Him. Their logic goes like this: "In those days, it was an agrarian society, and people raised animals from birth. Naturally they felt very close to these creatures, and were attached to them. So, when they brought them to the Temple altar, they were giving up something for God which meant the most to them."

But if this were the case, and the whole secret of bringing the sacrifice is to give something up to God, then in our own time, when the Holy Temple will be rebuilt, perhaps man has to bring something else altogether to the altar...like your cellular phone, or your microwave, or your VCR machine, or your car?! 

If the definition of the korban is "to come closer," then the goal of the Temple sacrifices is nothing less than the aim of dedicating human life to a higher sphere of awareness...closer to the Creator and the source of all life. The Temple sacrifice is not an idea of giving something up or losing something of value; it strives for nearness to God. For as King David prayed in the book of Psalms (73:28), "But as for me, nearness to God is good"-for the Jew, nearness to God is the truest, the highest, the only conception what goodness really is. Without this aspect to his life, without this Godly relationship which uplifts his physical existence and imbues his life with a sense of connection to the Divine, he feels himself to be like an animal, devoid of that which makes him into a human being: the spark of his Godly soul...without this he feels similar to the animal before him, on the altar. In a sense, what happens to the offering is also taking place within the heart and mind! of he who brings it..."

In essence, the sacrificial system was God's way of creating "self-awareness" with each person.  It also was a way that created "self-reliance, self-esteem, and self confidence" not for the purpose of narcissism, but for the purpose of seeing our true self and what we can do.  The more we see our true selves the more we see the glory of God since we are created in the very image of God.  It was a "drawing near" in many different ways, but especially to the Divine above, and the Divine within.  

The corruption in Jesus' day was that the leaders took this "drawing near" away from people to their true selves, and to God,  and forced them to "draw near" to the leaders.  In other words, their faith was now codependent.  The common people had to buy something from the professional priests in order to worship.  The common people had to purchase something from somebody else, outwardly,  in order to go inward and upward...doesn't make sense!  Commerce was brought into the equation.  This made the religion sick...very sick...like an alcoholic or drug addict who got their money from a parent, relative, or spouse--even though they knew where the money was going but internally it made them feel good because they were dependent on them.  Alcoholics and drug addicts are sick, but so is the one who makes them dependent on them--that is a sickness that is overlooked.  Addicts identity is from the substance they are addicted to and the one's that supply it.  Many times the ones that supply the substance aren't the dealers, but relatives who are too scared to say something.  The heartbreaking thing about addicts is they have no identity. 

Luke 9:25 ASV

For what is a man profited, if he gain the whole world, and lose or forfeit his own self?

The people were unclean (they were addicted), but the professional religious people were sick codependents forcing them to get "their stuff" only from them.  I really hope you are tracking with this blog so far because not a whole lot has changed.  Many churches today are making their parishioners codependent on them through guilt, fear, and sheer unjust power.  Many Christians fail to grow up and mature because they are told to depend on the church for everything--especially when it comes to the Bible.  Most people don't know it because they are told they need get another sermon, another church service, another small group, another Bible study, another missional community, etc, etc, etc.   People are drunk and intoxicated on church so much so they are pissing their pants and wanting the professionals to change it for them.  They pay their leaders to do what they are supposed to do therefore shucking the responsibility on the professionals--AND THEY DO IT...I DID!!  This system at it's worse strips people of their self-confidence and self-esteem.  It is called "welfare" in our society.  People have become so addicted and dependent on the government for housing, food, and insurance that their drive to do anything for themselves is gone...why bother when somebody else can do it for you.  It is the elimination of "self-awareness" and the mystery of "drawing close."  

Christianity, for the most part, has become a welfare society, built on a governmental system dependent on those in power--stripping away the very image of God in the majority of the people.  Do you know who started the welfare system?  ROME!!  It was an attempt to make Caesar God and everybody in his kingdom dependent on him.  Don't believe me...look it up.  It stripped people of their identity and placed their identity in government.  People identify more with a church or organization than they do God...or their identity to God is through the church.  Sounds like Rome...sounds like "selling sheep, cattle, and doves for sacrifices." 

People become numbers...people are no longer people but "giving units."  People are just more bodies filling seats increasing the overall population making the empire more powerful in the minds of others.  People become nameless, faceless, robots cheering in the crowd creating a buzz like in the ancient Roman Coliseums.  People no longer are humans that rationalize, are logical, can create beautiful poetry, question, debate, think philosophically, create, innovate, and believe in their abilities. This is why Jesus blew up.  The image of God was being stripped away from them and the person that attempted to "draw near" was merely a shadow of "others"...the den of thieves. Here is what "evangelism" was in Jesus' day and I would say it holds true today as well: "Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You travel over land and sea to win a single convert, and when you have succeeded, you make them twice as much a child of hell as you are (Matthew 23:15)."  Sons of hell are creating more sons of hell...

People think Jesus came to fight sin because people were so bad, corrupt, and headed to hell.  NO, NO, and NO...he came to fight a system/kingdom that was stripping people of their very identity and a religion where the leaders became gods themselves.  He came against something that appears virtuous, spiritual, and led people to God, but in reality it was creating and rebranding unjust systems that makes a human faceless.  How many churches would you say Jesus would do the same thing in today?  How many people are dependent on their pastors/leaders for "drawing close" to God and becoming aware of who they really are?  Are churches selling something that cheapens the human being and causes a subconscious addiction, fear, and guilt that they can't do it without them?  This passage of scripture has brought up a lot of questions for me, how about you?  I can't idly sit by and continue to let this happen or keep my mouth shut.  If those that follow Christ are now "his body" then maybe its time his body go into some places and "flip some tables".  

“Those who make peaceful revolution impossible, make violent revolution inevitable” -JFK

Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.

John F. Kennedy

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/j/johnfkenn101159.html#Xzblf127yAKCxwxW.99

Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.

John F. Kennedy

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/j/johnfkenn101159.html#Xzblf127yAKCxwxW.99

Sell Me Something Juicy!

sensationalism |senˈsāSHənlˌizəm|

-noun (esp. in journalism) the use of exciting or shocking stories or language at the expense of accuracy, in order to provoke public interest or excitement: media sensationalism.

You are walking through the grocery store line, getting ready to check out--suddenly you look to your left and you see this: "Hillary Clinton Adopts Alien Baby."  I know, that sounds ridiculous, but the fact is they are in every single line at that grocery store and all the other grocery stores across America.  This means that they are selling a boatload of these crazy magazines because it costs a lot of money in order to print and place that many.  People are buying this!!!!  It is shocking, it provokes rational thinking, creates a weird sense of fantasy and excitement--it allows you to escape your present moment to "somewhere else"...that just might be real.  If gives the reader that "what if" feeling.  It may be out there in left field, it is probably not real, but deep down inside your emotions are saying, "but, what if it is..."  At the core of this article is its ability to reach in and grab your emotions/senses.  It is called "sensationalism." 

Check out this jewel:
"Abraham Lincoln was a woman!"  Below that it says, "Shocking pix found in White House basement."  Somebody out there is saying, "Man, I knew it...I just had this weird feeling about him." 

No matter how bad we hate to admit it, good news doesn't sell.  It doesn't put dollars into the pockets of people.  Somebody learned a long time ago in media that if you say something shocking, with partial truth, slightly twisted, and mixed with some fantasy, it will sell like crazy!!  A movie that I thought was just awesome here in the last couple of years was; "Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter."  Wow...did they pull me into a land of illusion with a great story, a little bit of truth, and a whole lot of conspiracy theories.  It hooked me to pay the $5.99  HD VuDu download rental price. People could care less about an elderly couple who just celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary.  People care less about about a small group of people that got together, spent their own money, to help out a local farmer who lost his crops because of a bad year and is now broke.  Not juicy enough...throw in a cheating wife, ufo abduction, attempted murder, and now he is facing 25 to life--you got a story! 

Tabloids pride themselves in sensationalism.  The juicier the article, the more it will sell--but the trick is making it believable.  How can you take an idea as crazy as Abraham Lincoln was a woman and make people believe it enough to want to buy it?  Give some credibility to the article by saying that pictures have been discovered in the White House basement.  How can they get away with that?  Well, it isn't directly connected to the headlines but in another text box below...but close enough to where it looks connected.  On the article above, they add credibility to the ridiculousness by saying there is a nursery in the secret service building located in the White House.  BINGO!!  A little bit of credibility to a whole lot of fantasy. Now you got a story that will $ell.  Our senses have become so dull and complacent to the beauty of the reality that we no longer see the sublime in the ordinary.  Reality has become relevant to our sense of excitement and emotional response. 

Switch gears here for a moment, but stay in the same vein of thought with me.  We know, and have known for a long, long time that sensationalism sells--reality doesn't.  Therefore, why not throw that into the religious mix.  The Bible, in context and the language it was written in (Hebrew, Aramaic, and Greek) is one of the most practical books I've ever studied.  It speaks of internal struggles, love, depression, mental illness, joy, family, being surprised, mistakes, death, life, hurt, search for God, mid-life crisis, and everything else that deals with the human experience.  Yet, in order to deal with all of these things, humans tend to reach out to something beyond them in order to explain "why they do the things they do."  For instance, I had a man one time that I knew that really struggled with lust.  Typical man, most men do whether they will admit it or not.  In order to justify his lust, rather than just saying, "Man, I really struggle with this and I just had to get it off my chest because it is causing problems in my marriage," he responded this way to me:

"Nate, the devil is after my family." 

"Why...how is the devil after your family," I responded.

"My work fired me today and I'm in big trouble...possibly," he said.

"Huh, how did the devil get you fired from work," I questioned.

"Well, it's not that simple.  I was over at a family's house giving them a bid on some construction work we could do for them.  His wife was very attractive, the husband wasn't home, and the devil caused me to touch her inappropriately," he hesitantly whispered.

"Really...the devil took your hand, and placed it on her breast.  You're telling me that some unseen entity with power entered your body, took control, and he forced your hand on her," I said in very frustrated tone.  That wasn't the answer or response he was looking for.  What he wanted was for me to say some magical prayer, cast out some "devil", to make him feel better for what he had done--and so his family could see that he was going to a "pastor" for some spiritual guidance.  It looked good. Bottom line is that he sensationalized his actions and used a scapegoat--the devil.  Later on, I found out he not only touched the lady inappropriately, but she found him in their pool swimming naked--seriously!!  As a matter of fact, this guy had been fired from multiple jobs because of similar issues.  It was all based upon an issue not of unbridled lust, but of "demon possession." 

When it comes to much of Christianity today, hell, heaven, demons,  the devil, salvation, possession, end of the world conspiricies, angels, spiritual warfare, and countless other staples have become foundational in this religion.  Not only Christianity, but others as well--I don't want to sound like I'm just picking on Christianity, I just know the most about it.  What if these were all ways an ancient people tried to explain; sadness, joy, idols, internal struggles, faith, mental illness, war, messengers of hope, and internal conflict.  An issue I always had when I pastored was trying to explain to people that God has always been the same.  They would respond and say, "then why does God not talk to us like he talked to them back in the Bible days...what changed?" 

I would answer this by saying, "nothing changed, but the way we communicate is always changing."  I communicate differently today in 2013 than when I did in 1984.  I don't call things the same thing, but it is still the same thing.  Nothing changed about the thing itself, but the way I talk about "the thing" changed probably three or four times.  Ancient Hebrew people called any foreign god or idol made by hands a "demon."  We call a demon today a spirit or devil that is thought to possess a person's being or act as a tormentor in hell.  Hell in Jesus' day was an actual place (The Valley of Hinnom) with a lot of history behind it.  It was the city dump.  Hell today is a place regarded in various religions as a spiritual realm of evil and suffering, often traditionally depicted as a place of perpetual fire beneath the earth where the wicked are punished after death.  Something simple and ordinary has been sensationalized to make it "more marketable."  Possession in the world of the Bible is the way they attempted to explain epilepsy or mental illness.  Possession today is the state of being controlled by a demon or spirit.  This is just a few of many in the Bible.  Do you see how far we are getting from the reality of what life was really like?  The burning bush story is a perfect example.  Do you know how many times Moses saw bushes on fire living out in the desert?  Probably everyday for 40 years!  The beauty of the story is not in the bush not burning, but Moses stopping and paying attention to the ordinary.  He never lost sight of the miracle in everyday.  God spoke to him out of the ordinary. 

The problem with this is that it doesn't put butts in the pews and doesn't put money in the plates.  God speaks to people in the ordinary...c'mon man...I need some lights, spirits, a big devil with a pitch fork trying to get me, and angel dust falling from the rafters.  I'll go if I can see some of that!  It has become a false sense of reality--sensationalism.  What if all this "spiritual language" (that is what we call it, but it was ordinary language to them) in the Bible that is used was a way they communicated back then about the ordinary issues of life...would you still buy into that?  What if their isn't some horned, red, guy yielding a pitch fork and split hoofs for feet after you...because he doesn't exist?  Would that destroy your faith?  If God is the same yesterday, today, and forever then explain all this stuff written to us thousands of years ago.  I would argue that media has influenced Christianity's interpretation on the Bible more than the language it was written in.  MEDIA SELLS--it sells books, it sells church services, it helps buy big buildings, and pays salaries.  Why is gossip so bad in church?  People are bored and want to add some sensationalism to the mix the arouse the emotions, to engage their audience, and to get a crowd to listen.  Their senses are dull and they need some Hollywood drama because their reality is not as it is, but as they are and what they've become. 

"We do not see things as they are.
We see them as we are."
~~The Talmud

Languages change, communication styles change, idiomatic phrases change, slang changes, even Biblical interpretations change--God doesn't.  What are you looking for in God?  What are you looking for in religion?  What are you looking for in church?  What are you looking for in life?  Don't look far--it is all found in the ordinary events of life. 

Part 3-ish..."Making Friends with Failure"

A great thought from business owner Yosef Martin:
"Entrepreneurs are not very different from elite athletes. Can a gymnast avoid risks and still excel? Not a chance. The same is true in business: no guts, no glory. I never anticipate failure, but I don't fear it either. It only makes us smarter. Just like you have to accept that you're not always right, you have to make friends with failure.

The great thing is that you can fail multiple times, but you only have to "make it" once. I once walked into my warehouse and found it completely flooded, but I had no insurance and no profits to cover the losses. Half the merchandise was lost. But half was not. I then experienced a surge of adrenaline and motivation, and the incident inspired me to restructure the business and sell the remaining goods in more creative ways. The mistake made my business stronger.

I still employ these tactics today, which really were born out of failure. I believe in making lemonade, in never ending on a negative note. Failure is not an ending, but a beginning."

I thought this was an appropriate quote to begin this blog, after the last two.  In the last two blogs I opened myself up for criticism, and at the same time freed myself from a life of a hyprocritical belief system that was suffocating me.  One thing I'm very thankful for in my time is ministry was that it forced two things, (1) taking risks, (2) make friends with failure.  Today, "church" is a big risk.  You risk relationships, trust, and a huge financial obligation.  One of the biggest risks is the risk of losing one of the greatest abilities God gave you--the ability to think.  Some organizations want to think for you and to journey outside the realm of their thinking capacity risks their reputation, and your security.

So, what happens when you begin to think outside the realm of whatever group you are a part of?  Family explains this perfectly!  Everybody gets to a certain age where they are ready to go out and "make it on their own."  They want to create a name for themselves, create a career, their own family, a home, etc.  It's called, "leaving the nest" and growing up. You go out, make mistakes, learn from them, get back up, and keep plugging along.  That's life.  I don't think the Garden of Eden was God's plan for Adam and Eve.  God's first commandment to human beings was;
“Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”

If they just hung out in the Garden they would have never "filled the earth," nor "subdued it."  You see, this is the problem with Christianity in my opinion--everybody is told to stay in the Garden.  We got a world out there that needs "good news" and staying in the "Garden" isn't helping anybody.  I also would argue that God divinely set up Adam and Eve by placing the tree of knowledge of good and evil in the center of the Garden where it was in plain view.  HE KNEW THEY WOULD EAT FROM IT...because if they didn't they would never have gained "the knowledge of good and evil" that would ultimately allow them to fulfill the commandment to "be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it."  Subduing takes knowledge.  Like a good Father, God, kicked them out and forced the issue.   He forced them to explore, work, fail, have kids, etc...not like forcing them like robots, but he was the perfect parent that had to kick the kids out.  They had to learn to live on their own and clean up their own crap.  

A good friend told me one time that the church/religion was the only organization on the planet that allows their members to never grow up or mature.  They can stay kids their entire life if they choose.  He went as far as saying, "they even hire people to change their diapers."  Oooooh, that's harsh isn't it?!  

What happens if people begin to really study, challenge, are allowed to doubt, and question.  What would happen if their are margins for failure, risks, and the acceptance of "you know what, I could be wrong."  What if a pastor stood up and said, "You know, I could be totally wrong here, and I would encourage you to check this out on your own, but I believe..."  What would happen if a person just "outgrew" Christianity?  Shouldn't we celebrate that because it is the natural order of maturity.  

Writing has stirred a fire within me to "raise my voice,"again.  These series of blogs, talking to people through email and in person, and seeing the injustice out there in the "name of God" has caused an upheaval in my being.  I will not be starting another church and I don't see myself going back into ministry but I would like to be a voice of change.  I would like to be a voice that stands up against the Goliath's, and "yes" I am referring to the organized religious systems that has caused fear--fear of not being good enough, fear of not being "save enough," and the feeling of fear that this is the end of the world.  Feeling guilty for being human, feeling guilty for believing different, and the general feeling of guilt because you are not living up to their standards.  I will be the voice that stands up and says, "who is this uncircumcised Philistine? "Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You travel over land and sea to win a single convert, and when you have succeeded, you make them twice as much a child of hell as you are."  

Leaving the Garden may seem like complete utter failure and absolute nonsense, but risk and failure is the way of Jesus.  Matthew 10:30 NLT,
"If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it."  Failure and sin is a part of the process.  If God didn't know that from the beginning, then He is not God, but just a figment of your imagination.  God created a world outside the Garden and he wants you and I to explore it, work it, cultivate it, restore it, and make something beautiful.  If you are uncomfortable in church, like I was, maybe it is because you've outgrown it.  Don't feel guilty and fear, God's got a "world" for you to explore out there!!  The Bible is full of stories of people leaving where they are and journey to a place God will show them.  Even in the New Testament, the disicples left what they knew, to follow some guy who claimed to be God.  Paul left the religion he knew his whole life to follow a call to "grace"--to the whole world.  After he established a church, he left and went and started another.  There was one group that tried to stay in one place their whole lives...it didn't turn out to well (See Genesis 11). Leave what you know to follow something bigger--there has got to be more than what we are expereincing!!  Just a few thoughts...Lech lecha!!