Codependency

codependency |ˌkōdəˈpendənsē|

noun

excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically a partner who requires support due to an illness or addiction.

Here is what the wonderful Wikipedia says (or as I like to call it; "THE GREAT AND POWERFUL OZ"): "Codependency is defined as a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition (typically narcissism or drug addiction); and in broader terms, it refers to the dependence on the needs of, or control of, another.^[1] It also often involves placing a lower priority on one's own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others.^[2] Codependency can occur in any type of relationship, including family, work, friendship, and also romantic, peer or community relationships.^[2] Codependency may also be characterized by denial, low self-esteem, excessive compliance, or control patterns.^[2] Narcissists are considered to be natural magnets for the codependent." -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codependency

Please, stick with me on this blog...I'll try not to be too teachy or bore you.  I discovered this the other day and I think it has some huge implications and some really freeing applications...but it will take some courage.  Read this carefully:
 
John 2:12-16 (NCV)
¹² After this, Jesus went to the town of Capernaum with his mother, brothers, and followers. They stayed there for just a few days. ¹³ When it was almost time for the Jewish Passover Feast, Jesus went to Jerusalem. ¹⁴ In the Temple he found people selling cattle, sheep, and doves. He saw others sitting at tables, exchanging different kinds of money. ¹⁵ Jesus made a whip out of cords and forced all of them, both the sheep and cattle, to leave the Temple. He turned over the tables and scattered the money of those who were exchanging it. ¹⁶ Then he said to those who were selling pigeons, “Take these things out of here! Don’t make my Father’s house a place for buying and selling!”

Who were "others" that Jesus was so pissed at...so much so he made a whip and literally ran them out of the Temple.  Jesus made a passing statement about the "others" by quoting Jeremiah 7:11.  In Jeremiah's passage, he is calling out the religious leaders of that day.  In Hebrew, Jeremiah called the leaders, "perı̂yts", meaning violent unashamed swindlers/murderers.  That's pretty harsh!!  The "others" sitting at the tables, exchanging money for cattle, sheep, and doves, were the priests--the highest position in religion (they were like mini-popes in Catholism).  The priests were like our pastors today in American Christianity.  They were the leaders of that religion, just like pastors are the leaders of most denominations in Christianity...they were the religious celebrities that everybody wanted to get to know, be associated with, and wanted their kids to be like.  

So, what was the big deal about selling animals?  Pay attention very closely...animal sacrifices have been around since the beginning of time in most major religions.  Ancient Judaism wasn't any different.  You can see very early on in Genesis before there was the Mosaic law, which required sacrifices,  Cain and Abel brought sacrifices to God.  The sacrifice that was acceptable was Abel's.  Abel brought a portion of an animal HE RAISED.  That is very important.  As the story continues in the Bible, people were required to raise their own animals to sacrifice, put in the hard work, feed it, care for it, and then bring it to the Temple where they would have to help kill it.  They literally had blood, sweat, and tears in the whole process.  They were directly connected to it!  Some of them lived far away from the Temple and had to make a journey that took several days.  Therefore, they had to carry the sacrifice on their shoulders, hundreds of miles in order to keep it "clean." 

Here the words of a rabbi: "the Hebrew word for "sacrifice" (Korban, le-hakriv) is from the same root as "to come near, to approach. . . . to become closely involved in a relationship with someone." For this is meant to be the essence of the experience which the bearer of the sacrifice undergoes. Indeed, it is unfortunate that no word in the English language can adequately render the idea behind the Hebrew word korban. We allow ourselves to use the word "sacrifice" for lack of a better word, but it is a highly unsuccessful attempt at translation; it could even be called unfortunate. The idea of a sacrifice or offering seems to indicate a gift or present; giving up something of value for another's benefit, or going without something of value yourself, for the benefit of that other.

None of this gift-giving idea is present in the idea of the korban. First of all, it is a word which never carries a connotation of a present or gift, and is used exclusively by the Bible in the context of man's relationship with God. Thus its true meaning can only be grasped through its root...the concept of coming close.

People are under the impression that the whole idea was to bring something precious to God and give it to Him. Their logic goes like this: "In those days, it was an agrarian society, and people raised animals from birth. Naturally they felt very close to these creatures, and were attached to them. So, when they brought them to the Temple altar, they were giving up something for God which meant the most to them."

But if this were the case, and the whole secret of bringing the sacrifice is to give something up to God, then in our own time, when the Holy Temple will be rebuilt, perhaps man has to bring something else altogether to the altar...like your cellular phone, or your microwave, or your VCR machine, or your car?! 

If the definition of the korban is "to come closer," then the goal of the Temple sacrifices is nothing less than the aim of dedicating human life to a higher sphere of awareness...closer to the Creator and the source of all life. The Temple sacrifice is not an idea of giving something up or losing something of value; it strives for nearness to God. For as King David prayed in the book of Psalms (73:28), "But as for me, nearness to God is good"-for the Jew, nearness to God is the truest, the highest, the only conception what goodness really is. Without this aspect to his life, without this Godly relationship which uplifts his physical existence and imbues his life with a sense of connection to the Divine, he feels himself to be like an animal, devoid of that which makes him into a human being: the spark of his Godly soul...without this he feels similar to the animal before him, on the altar. In a sense, what happens to the offering is also taking place within the heart and mind! of he who brings it..."

In essence, the sacrificial system was God's way of creating "self-awareness" with each person.  It also was a way that created "self-reliance, self-esteem, and self confidence" not for the purpose of narcissism, but for the purpose of seeing our true self and what we can do.  The more we see our true selves the more we see the glory of God since we are created in the very image of God.  It was a "drawing near" in many different ways, but especially to the Divine above, and the Divine within.  

The corruption in Jesus' day was that the leaders took this "drawing near" away from people to their true selves, and to God,  and forced them to "draw near" to the leaders.  In other words, their faith was now codependent.  The common people had to buy something from the professional priests in order to worship.  The common people had to purchase something from somebody else, outwardly,  in order to go inward and upward...doesn't make sense!  Commerce was brought into the equation.  This made the religion sick...very sick...like an alcoholic or drug addict who got their money from a parent, relative, or spouse--even though they knew where the money was going but internally it made them feel good because they were dependent on them.  Alcoholics and drug addicts are sick, but so is the one who makes them dependent on them--that is a sickness that is overlooked.  Addicts identity is from the substance they are addicted to and the one's that supply it.  Many times the ones that supply the substance aren't the dealers, but relatives who are too scared to say something.  The heartbreaking thing about addicts is they have no identity. 

Luke 9:25 ASV

For what is a man profited, if he gain the whole world, and lose or forfeit his own self?

The people were unclean (they were addicted), but the professional religious people were sick codependents forcing them to get "their stuff" only from them.  I really hope you are tracking with this blog so far because not a whole lot has changed.  Many churches today are making their parishioners codependent on them through guilt, fear, and sheer unjust power.  Many Christians fail to grow up and mature because they are told to depend on the church for everything--especially when it comes to the Bible.  Most people don't know it because they are told they need get another sermon, another church service, another small group, another Bible study, another missional community, etc, etc, etc.   People are drunk and intoxicated on church so much so they are pissing their pants and wanting the professionals to change it for them.  They pay their leaders to do what they are supposed to do therefore shucking the responsibility on the professionals--AND THEY DO IT...I DID!!  This system at it's worse strips people of their self-confidence and self-esteem.  It is called "welfare" in our society.  People have become so addicted and dependent on the government for housing, food, and insurance that their drive to do anything for themselves is gone...why bother when somebody else can do it for you.  It is the elimination of "self-awareness" and the mystery of "drawing close."  

Christianity, for the most part, has become a welfare society, built on a governmental system dependent on those in power--stripping away the very image of God in the majority of the people.  Do you know who started the welfare system?  ROME!!  It was an attempt to make Caesar God and everybody in his kingdom dependent on him.  Don't believe me...look it up.  It stripped people of their identity and placed their identity in government.  People identify more with a church or organization than they do God...or their identity to God is through the church.  Sounds like Rome...sounds like "selling sheep, cattle, and doves for sacrifices." 

People become numbers...people are no longer people but "giving units."  People are just more bodies filling seats increasing the overall population making the empire more powerful in the minds of others.  People become nameless, faceless, robots cheering in the crowd creating a buzz like in the ancient Roman Coliseums.  People no longer are humans that rationalize, are logical, can create beautiful poetry, question, debate, think philosophically, create, innovate, and believe in their abilities. This is why Jesus blew up.  The image of God was being stripped away from them and the person that attempted to "draw near" was merely a shadow of "others"...the den of thieves. Here is what "evangelism" was in Jesus' day and I would say it holds true today as well: "Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You travel over land and sea to win a single convert, and when you have succeeded, you make them twice as much a child of hell as you are (Matthew 23:15)."  Sons of hell are creating more sons of hell...

People think Jesus came to fight sin because people were so bad, corrupt, and headed to hell.  NO, NO, and NO...he came to fight a system/kingdom that was stripping people of their very identity and a religion where the leaders became gods themselves.  He came against something that appears virtuous, spiritual, and led people to God, but in reality it was creating and rebranding unjust systems that makes a human faceless.  How many churches would you say Jesus would do the same thing in today?  How many people are dependent on their pastors/leaders for "drawing close" to God and becoming aware of who they really are?  Are churches selling something that cheapens the human being and causes a subconscious addiction, fear, and guilt that they can't do it without them?  This passage of scripture has brought up a lot of questions for me, how about you?  I can't idly sit by and continue to let this happen or keep my mouth shut.  If those that follow Christ are now "his body" then maybe its time his body go into some places and "flip some tables".  

“Those who make peaceful revolution impossible, make violent revolution inevitable” -JFK

Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.

John F. Kennedy

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/j/johnfkenn101159.html#Xzblf127yAKCxwxW.99

Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.

John F. Kennedy

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/j/johnfkenn101159.html#Xzblf127yAKCxwxW.99

Sell Me Something Juicy!

sensationalism |senˈsāSHənlˌizəm|

-noun (esp. in journalism) the use of exciting or shocking stories or language at the expense of accuracy, in order to provoke public interest or excitement: media sensationalism.

You are walking through the grocery store line, getting ready to check out--suddenly you look to your left and you see this: "Hillary Clinton Adopts Alien Baby."  I know, that sounds ridiculous, but the fact is they are in every single line at that grocery store and all the other grocery stores across America.  This means that they are selling a boatload of these crazy magazines because it costs a lot of money in order to print and place that many.  People are buying this!!!!  It is shocking, it provokes rational thinking, creates a weird sense of fantasy and excitement--it allows you to escape your present moment to "somewhere else"...that just might be real.  If gives the reader that "what if" feeling.  It may be out there in left field, it is probably not real, but deep down inside your emotions are saying, "but, what if it is..."  At the core of this article is its ability to reach in and grab your emotions/senses.  It is called "sensationalism." 

Check out this jewel:
"Abraham Lincoln was a woman!"  Below that it says, "Shocking pix found in White House basement."  Somebody out there is saying, "Man, I knew it...I just had this weird feeling about him." 

No matter how bad we hate to admit it, good news doesn't sell.  It doesn't put dollars into the pockets of people.  Somebody learned a long time ago in media that if you say something shocking, with partial truth, slightly twisted, and mixed with some fantasy, it will sell like crazy!!  A movie that I thought was just awesome here in the last couple of years was; "Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter."  Wow...did they pull me into a land of illusion with a great story, a little bit of truth, and a whole lot of conspiracy theories.  It hooked me to pay the $5.99  HD VuDu download rental price. People could care less about an elderly couple who just celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary.  People care less about about a small group of people that got together, spent their own money, to help out a local farmer who lost his crops because of a bad year and is now broke.  Not juicy enough...throw in a cheating wife, ufo abduction, attempted murder, and now he is facing 25 to life--you got a story! 

Tabloids pride themselves in sensationalism.  The juicier the article, the more it will sell--but the trick is making it believable.  How can you take an idea as crazy as Abraham Lincoln was a woman and make people believe it enough to want to buy it?  Give some credibility to the article by saying that pictures have been discovered in the White House basement.  How can they get away with that?  Well, it isn't directly connected to the headlines but in another text box below...but close enough to where it looks connected.  On the article above, they add credibility to the ridiculousness by saying there is a nursery in the secret service building located in the White House.  BINGO!!  A little bit of credibility to a whole lot of fantasy. Now you got a story that will $ell.  Our senses have become so dull and complacent to the beauty of the reality that we no longer see the sublime in the ordinary.  Reality has become relevant to our sense of excitement and emotional response. 

Switch gears here for a moment, but stay in the same vein of thought with me.  We know, and have known for a long, long time that sensationalism sells--reality doesn't.  Therefore, why not throw that into the religious mix.  The Bible, in context and the language it was written in (Hebrew, Aramaic, and Greek) is one of the most practical books I've ever studied.  It speaks of internal struggles, love, depression, mental illness, joy, family, being surprised, mistakes, death, life, hurt, search for God, mid-life crisis, and everything else that deals with the human experience.  Yet, in order to deal with all of these things, humans tend to reach out to something beyond them in order to explain "why they do the things they do."  For instance, I had a man one time that I knew that really struggled with lust.  Typical man, most men do whether they will admit it or not.  In order to justify his lust, rather than just saying, "Man, I really struggle with this and I just had to get it off my chest because it is causing problems in my marriage," he responded this way to me:

"Nate, the devil is after my family." 

"Why...how is the devil after your family," I responded.

"My work fired me today and I'm in big trouble...possibly," he said.

"Huh, how did the devil get you fired from work," I questioned.

"Well, it's not that simple.  I was over at a family's house giving them a bid on some construction work we could do for them.  His wife was very attractive, the husband wasn't home, and the devil caused me to touch her inappropriately," he hesitantly whispered.

"Really...the devil took your hand, and placed it on her breast.  You're telling me that some unseen entity with power entered your body, took control, and he forced your hand on her," I said in very frustrated tone.  That wasn't the answer or response he was looking for.  What he wanted was for me to say some magical prayer, cast out some "devil", to make him feel better for what he had done--and so his family could see that he was going to a "pastor" for some spiritual guidance.  It looked good. Bottom line is that he sensationalized his actions and used a scapegoat--the devil.  Later on, I found out he not only touched the lady inappropriately, but she found him in their pool swimming naked--seriously!!  As a matter of fact, this guy had been fired from multiple jobs because of similar issues.  It was all based upon an issue not of unbridled lust, but of "demon possession." 

When it comes to much of Christianity today, hell, heaven, demons,  the devil, salvation, possession, end of the world conspiricies, angels, spiritual warfare, and countless other staples have become foundational in this religion.  Not only Christianity, but others as well--I don't want to sound like I'm just picking on Christianity, I just know the most about it.  What if these were all ways an ancient people tried to explain; sadness, joy, idols, internal struggles, faith, mental illness, war, messengers of hope, and internal conflict.  An issue I always had when I pastored was trying to explain to people that God has always been the same.  They would respond and say, "then why does God not talk to us like he talked to them back in the Bible days...what changed?" 

I would answer this by saying, "nothing changed, but the way we communicate is always changing."  I communicate differently today in 2013 than when I did in 1984.  I don't call things the same thing, but it is still the same thing.  Nothing changed about the thing itself, but the way I talk about "the thing" changed probably three or four times.  Ancient Hebrew people called any foreign god or idol made by hands a "demon."  We call a demon today a spirit or devil that is thought to possess a person's being or act as a tormentor in hell.  Hell in Jesus' day was an actual place (The Valley of Hinnom) with a lot of history behind it.  It was the city dump.  Hell today is a place regarded in various religions as a spiritual realm of evil and suffering, often traditionally depicted as a place of perpetual fire beneath the earth where the wicked are punished after death.  Something simple and ordinary has been sensationalized to make it "more marketable."  Possession in the world of the Bible is the way they attempted to explain epilepsy or mental illness.  Possession today is the state of being controlled by a demon or spirit.  This is just a few of many in the Bible.  Do you see how far we are getting from the reality of what life was really like?  The burning bush story is a perfect example.  Do you know how many times Moses saw bushes on fire living out in the desert?  Probably everyday for 40 years!  The beauty of the story is not in the bush not burning, but Moses stopping and paying attention to the ordinary.  He never lost sight of the miracle in everyday.  God spoke to him out of the ordinary. 

The problem with this is that it doesn't put butts in the pews and doesn't put money in the plates.  God speaks to people in the ordinary...c'mon man...I need some lights, spirits, a big devil with a pitch fork trying to get me, and angel dust falling from the rafters.  I'll go if I can see some of that!  It has become a false sense of reality--sensationalism.  What if all this "spiritual language" (that is what we call it, but it was ordinary language to them) in the Bible that is used was a way they communicated back then about the ordinary issues of life...would you still buy into that?  What if their isn't some horned, red, guy yielding a pitch fork and split hoofs for feet after you...because he doesn't exist?  Would that destroy your faith?  If God is the same yesterday, today, and forever then explain all this stuff written to us thousands of years ago.  I would argue that media has influenced Christianity's interpretation on the Bible more than the language it was written in.  MEDIA SELLS--it sells books, it sells church services, it helps buy big buildings, and pays salaries.  Why is gossip so bad in church?  People are bored and want to add some sensationalism to the mix the arouse the emotions, to engage their audience, and to get a crowd to listen.  Their senses are dull and they need some Hollywood drama because their reality is not as it is, but as they are and what they've become. 

"We do not see things as they are.
We see them as we are."
~~The Talmud

Languages change, communication styles change, idiomatic phrases change, slang changes, even Biblical interpretations change--God doesn't.  What are you looking for in God?  What are you looking for in religion?  What are you looking for in church?  What are you looking for in life?  Don't look far--it is all found in the ordinary events of life. 

Part 3-ish..."Making Friends with Failure"

A great thought from business owner Yosef Martin:
"Entrepreneurs are not very different from elite athletes. Can a gymnast avoid risks and still excel? Not a chance. The same is true in business: no guts, no glory. I never anticipate failure, but I don't fear it either. It only makes us smarter. Just like you have to accept that you're not always right, you have to make friends with failure.

The great thing is that you can fail multiple times, but you only have to "make it" once. I once walked into my warehouse and found it completely flooded, but I had no insurance and no profits to cover the losses. Half the merchandise was lost. But half was not. I then experienced a surge of adrenaline and motivation, and the incident inspired me to restructure the business and sell the remaining goods in more creative ways. The mistake made my business stronger.

I still employ these tactics today, which really were born out of failure. I believe in making lemonade, in never ending on a negative note. Failure is not an ending, but a beginning."

I thought this was an appropriate quote to begin this blog, after the last two.  In the last two blogs I opened myself up for criticism, and at the same time freed myself from a life of a hyprocritical belief system that was suffocating me.  One thing I'm very thankful for in my time is ministry was that it forced two things, (1) taking risks, (2) make friends with failure.  Today, "church" is a big risk.  You risk relationships, trust, and a huge financial obligation.  One of the biggest risks is the risk of losing one of the greatest abilities God gave you--the ability to think.  Some organizations want to think for you and to journey outside the realm of their thinking capacity risks their reputation, and your security.

So, what happens when you begin to think outside the realm of whatever group you are a part of?  Family explains this perfectly!  Everybody gets to a certain age where they are ready to go out and "make it on their own."  They want to create a name for themselves, create a career, their own family, a home, etc.  It's called, "leaving the nest" and growing up. You go out, make mistakes, learn from them, get back up, and keep plugging along.  That's life.  I don't think the Garden of Eden was God's plan for Adam and Eve.  God's first commandment to human beings was;
“Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”

If they just hung out in the Garden they would have never "filled the earth," nor "subdued it."  You see, this is the problem with Christianity in my opinion--everybody is told to stay in the Garden.  We got a world out there that needs "good news" and staying in the "Garden" isn't helping anybody.  I also would argue that God divinely set up Adam and Eve by placing the tree of knowledge of good and evil in the center of the Garden where it was in plain view.  HE KNEW THEY WOULD EAT FROM IT...because if they didn't they would never have gained "the knowledge of good and evil" that would ultimately allow them to fulfill the commandment to "be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it."  Subduing takes knowledge.  Like a good Father, God, kicked them out and forced the issue.   He forced them to explore, work, fail, have kids, etc...not like forcing them like robots, but he was the perfect parent that had to kick the kids out.  They had to learn to live on their own and clean up their own crap.  

A good friend told me one time that the church/religion was the only organization on the planet that allows their members to never grow up or mature.  They can stay kids their entire life if they choose.  He went as far as saying, "they even hire people to change their diapers."  Oooooh, that's harsh isn't it?!  

What happens if people begin to really study, challenge, are allowed to doubt, and question.  What would happen if their are margins for failure, risks, and the acceptance of "you know what, I could be wrong."  What if a pastor stood up and said, "You know, I could be totally wrong here, and I would encourage you to check this out on your own, but I believe..."  What would happen if a person just "outgrew" Christianity?  Shouldn't we celebrate that because it is the natural order of maturity.  

Writing has stirred a fire within me to "raise my voice,"again.  These series of blogs, talking to people through email and in person, and seeing the injustice out there in the "name of God" has caused an upheaval in my being.  I will not be starting another church and I don't see myself going back into ministry but I would like to be a voice of change.  I would like to be a voice that stands up against the Goliath's, and "yes" I am referring to the organized religious systems that has caused fear--fear of not being good enough, fear of not being "save enough," and the feeling of fear that this is the end of the world.  Feeling guilty for being human, feeling guilty for believing different, and the general feeling of guilt because you are not living up to their standards.  I will be the voice that stands up and says, "who is this uncircumcised Philistine? "Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You travel over land and sea to win a single convert, and when you have succeeded, you make them twice as much a child of hell as you are."  

Leaving the Garden may seem like complete utter failure and absolute nonsense, but risk and failure is the way of Jesus.  Matthew 10:30 NLT,
"If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it."  Failure and sin is a part of the process.  If God didn't know that from the beginning, then He is not God, but just a figment of your imagination.  God created a world outside the Garden and he wants you and I to explore it, work it, cultivate it, restore it, and make something beautiful.  If you are uncomfortable in church, like I was, maybe it is because you've outgrown it.  Don't feel guilty and fear, God's got a "world" for you to explore out there!!  The Bible is full of stories of people leaving where they are and journey to a place God will show them.  Even in the New Testament, the disicples left what they knew, to follow some guy who claimed to be God.  Paul left the religion he knew his whole life to follow a call to "grace"--to the whole world.  After he established a church, he left and went and started another.  There was one group that tried to stay in one place their whole lives...it didn't turn out to well (See Genesis 11). Leave what you know to follow something bigger--there has got to be more than what we are expereincing!!  Just a few thoughts...Lech lecha!!

 

Part 2 Why...The Explanation

Ok...that was really unexpected.  I use this space to vent, rant, and keep myself real.  I am overwhelmed at the response and the amount of readers from my last post.  There were a lot of great responses and a lot of passion that came through in your posts.  I've realized that religion and or belief systems are incredibly strong.  Most wars and conflicts find their roots in some type of religious disagreement. 

So, I feel like I need to explain myself a little more in depth and why I don't go to church anymore.  Just promise me one thing...read the whole thing before you pass any judgement.  At the same time, if you choose to respond (which I hope you do), do so respectfully with others in mind, who may not be entrenched in the same belief system you are.  If you are going to bring out a bunch of scriptures to prove your point, do so in a way where people that aren't scripture-savy can understand.  Avoid "christian-eze" and elizabethean English.  Thanks!!

FIRST, I never "lost" my faith and I do have a strong belief system.  The problem I struggled with for many years is that I didn't believe the status quo/politically correct version of Christianity.  I respected it, and the huge following it has.  Therefore, I decided to keep my mouth shut and brush my convictions and beliefs under the rug.  But, there comes a point where you just can't continue to lie to yourself any longer and you feel like you are doing a disservice to God.  For me, it was SIN. 

 I need to stop here and ask everybody that has ever been under my teaching or I was friends with to forgive me.  I held back and for that, I apologize.  

To help you understand what I'm talking about, I want to ask you a question..."Have you ever heard something over and over and over and there was just something deep down inside you gut that said, 'this is just wrong.'"  But, out of the fear of rejection and people just thinking you are crazy, you just went along with it, because everybody else did.  I know, I know...it sounds really childish and embarrassing, but this was the fire that was burning within me.  When you are married, have three kids, and bills to pay, you don't want to rock the boat to much because it is your job!  Without "this" I would not have been able to provide for my family--I was living in straight fear!

THERE HAD TO BE SOMETHING MORE!!

What I was seeing very clearly is that many (not all, so please don't think I am pigeon-holing all churches) in my tradition were teaching/preaching not what people needed, but what people wanted (traditions that brought comfort.  Not traditional churches, but traditional orthodox Christianity).  Basically, the teaching was for a response, and that response was then translated to "it must be God."  If there was no "response" or psychological stimuli then it must be wrong and not from God.  Sometimes it was from God, but sometimes it was just traditions and mannerisms people are used to.  Sometimes is was manipulative music.  Hey, everybody knows that God needs some really good slow music to talk to people (wink, wink). 

Soooo, for the first time, I am going to list just a few of my convictions/beliefs and why that doesn't fit within the context of many churches.  Churches are about finding common ground in beliefs.  If people don't find a church that believes what they believe then most likely they will find another place...I would probably do the same, so I'm not knockin' on anybody.  There is one slight problem though, there is a set of orthodox beliefs that were set roughly 300 years after Jesus that have become the "standard."  To stray from these would be heresy.  Here is where it gets sticky...who got define what a heretic is?  A heretic is merely somebody who doesn't believe the same way you do or the way your tribe believes.  Does it make them wrong?  Only to the one who labels them as wrong.  To label somebody as wrong, lost, or needing to be saved, is a religous way of "playing God" and maybe a cute form of idolatry.  

Can you still be in fellowship with me if I believe different?  Is unity, really just a religious word for "uniformity."  Because I believe different than you, does that make me "lost?"  If you are a church-going person, I think these are things you need to think about because if you are not careful you make it about "us vs. them", "in vs out", and exclusiveness.  

The "majors" I differ with:

1.) God is one (De. 6:4).  I can't believe God is 3 (trinity).  When I ask people to explain it they say it is a "faith thing."  If we are made in the image of God, then why aren't we three persons...it just doesn't make sense to me.  To separate our breath (ruach--spirit), our flesh, and our mind into three departments or people just doesn't float.  It is all another element of our total person.  I'm not a trinitarian.

2.) Salvation: I just can't buy into the doctrine that the Creator of the universe is only privy to people who say a sinner's prayer or to a group of people called "Christians."  That is not good news, and the Gospel has to be better than that!  1 Corinthians 10:1-4 is really good news!  The Jewish people that were wandering in the desert were not happy with their wanderings.  The complained, they bickered, and even cursed Moses.  Yet, when they were dying they drank from that which was provided, and didn't even know what it was.  They had no clue that this water was Christ, but it was the very thing that saved them.  I believe that is happening today.  People are "drinking" from the rock and don't realize it is Christ.  It may have a different name than what you or I think is right, but God is saving everybody.  You can call me a universalist, a heretic, or whatever, but I really think the good news is good news--not about who is in and out, right or wrong, or heaven or hell--it is about the finished work of Christ redeeming all men--no matter what.  God is love!

3.) I believe the Bible was written in Hebrew, Greek, and Aramaic--NOT ENGLISH.  Some words just didn't translate over well.  For instance and this is a big hang up for a lot of people (me being one of them)--The word "hell."  I don't buy into some literal hell where unbelievers will go and burn for ever and ever.  That is our human way of getting justice into religion.  There are 4 different words for hell in the Bible and one was borrowed from Greek mythology to prove a point metaphorically.  Depending on the context of where "hell" was written, it can mean a multiplicity of different things.  It can be as simple as "the grave", a trash heap just outside of Jerusalem, or deep abyss that is used as a dungeon of torment and suffering for the wicked and as the prison for the Titans (see 2 Peter 2:4).  It's really tough to pull out Dante's inferno version of hell out of these words--you really gotta stretch it.  Maybe there is something deeper that the writer is trying to show us than what we have on hell and heaven.  So, saying all of that, I don't buy into the p/c version of hell--just can't believe it.  I believe this world is important and that the end goal is not just to be beamed up out of this world like a Star Trek movie (Beam me up Jesus).  This world has purpose, meaning, life, good, and God is restoring all things through us.  The same is true with demons and angels--just not superstitious.  Demons were another word for worthless idols and angels were just messengers of God.  That could have been anybody, not just exclusively some white, winged, creature with a large harp.  Most westernern interpretations of death, heaven, and hell are formed out of their cosmological view.  Let me remind you that the Bible was written on the other side of the planet with a completely different cosmological perspective on death.  I don't want to ruin it for you, but study it some time--western cosmology and eastern cosmology.  Israel is strategically located in the middle of these two worlds :)

4.) The 2nd Coming: Nope...this one just doens't fly either with me.  Most end-times stuff is based on fear and really poor interpretations.  Every generation for the last 1000 years thought it was them and had an anti-Christ picked out, along with all the "signs and wonders."  Historical records and the language of the Bible point to the fall of the Temple as the "end of the age (aion)."  The time of Temple sacrifices ceased after the Romans brutally came into Jerusalem and slaughtered thousands of innocent Jews.  The woes were for those people who had to go through that hellish experience.  Basically, Revelation is the story of the continual struggle humans have with doing good in the face of injustice.  The example it gives is the Jewish Christians and Jews that struggled against Rome.  I'm not saying I'm right and everybody else is wrong, just trying to explain how I came to believe this way.  What I can't believe is the whole rapture thing/left behind that is a fairly new (150 years old).  Makes for great Hollywood movies, but not real good in real life. 

5.) The church is not an exclusive building, institution, or particular group that I have to meet with weekly.  If so, then Jesus would have said so if it was that important.  Guilt is the new "spirit".  I heard somebody said that if they didn't go three times a week (to a church service) they would feel guilty.  Therefore, it must be God.  I had a secretary one time that came into my office and told me that I wasn't preaching in the "spirit", but was teaching.  I ask her "why" and she just couldn't figure it out.  I then prodded a little more and asked her was it because she didn't feel guilty about what she did and it didn't move her to come forward and pray at an altar.  BOOM!!  "That is it," she said.  

I then replied, "so, guilt is your "holy spirit."  Then she just got angry and chose not to speak to me.  This was my secretary, who was supposed to be a seasoned Christian!  Didn't Jesus say, "if two or more are gathered...I'm in the midst."  I know, I know, I've heard it quoted a million times and many quoted it on Facebook to me about "forsaking not the assembly..."  I'll ask, "who was that written to and what where were they assemblying?"  It was written to Jewish folks who were used to going to synagogue.  Just because Jesus came didn't mean that they were to quit meeting.  To put that in a church context and place the burden on somebody who has never been a church-goer is a burden to heavy to carry. 

I'm not for sure what that looks like today, but I do know we need to rethink how we are gathering today.  I think the whole system needs revamped!  

6.) Here is a real biggie for me: Jesus was a Jew--not a Christian!  To be more like Christ is to understand his Jewish context.  Paul said we have been given the "ministry of reconciliation."  Jesus talks about restoration.  The Bible is constantly describing things that once were, being destroyed--but rebuilt (read Nehemiah).  I don't' think Jesus came to start a new religion, just to fix something that once worked, became corrupted, destroyed, and now through him we can bring restoration to it.  THIS IS NOT A LAW AND GRACE THING!!  I'm just saying there was something that used to work and we need to get back to that. 

7.) Human beings are created in the image of God.  Saying this, I differ from Christianity in the fact I don't believe Genesis 3 is a fall of man, but an elevation to a more "god-like" status.  Fall insinuates guilt, self-image problems, and dependency on a system...just like our version of welfare.  In order to fulfill God's commandment they needed a deeper knowledge or God wouldn't have put that tree in the middle of the garden where he knew they were going to eat it.  I have yet come to any final conclusions on this, but I think there is something much deeper here than what has been presented.  I'm wading through all my baggage to be able to really see this.  

This is just a few I have listed, but you can probably tell that I differ quite a bit from the norm.  Therefore, the fear of going somewhere to be told over and over I am wrong is not something I'm interested in.  I feel as though we all have something unique, a story to tell, and an insight we can bring to the table.  Is there a place where people listen, are heard, can be open-minded, and conversational rather than unidirectional?  I'm sure the word new age, relativist, and heretic will be thrown around.  I would just suggest that if you say these things, be careful because the person you are saying this too has feelings and beliefs they feel strongly about.  They probably didn't just come up with these beliefs on a whim, but researched it, are convinced, and it could be all they know. For those Christians who are into labeling others as "wrong", "lost," or "heretical", are doing nothing more than driving them further away and establishing their own kingdom. 

Ultimately, God defines himself.  He said his name was, "I am that I am."  Good enough for me.  I feel as though I'm on some really shaky ground when I start making absolutes about who God is and what he is going to do with the human race.  That is not my place!  If so, then I'm my own god, made in my own image, according to my likings.  God made you to be you and me to be me...not you to be me and me to be you.  Lech lecha!!

Why

It's been quite sometime since my last post, and I'm glad I didn't write anything as I've been sorting through the catalog of emotions, experiences, and life events that have shaped me.  I've asked myself a simple question quite frequently over the last several months that have helped organize and give purpose to these experiences..."why."

When I become bitter, outraged, happy, cynical, full of joy--whatever the emotion that  surfaces, I ask, "why."  What is the reason or purpose of this feeling...this natural instinctive state of mind deriving from my circumstances, or relationships with others.  These "triggers" aren't something I can help nor any human being can help feeling.  I used to feel guilty, but now, I just want to know the deeper meaning of these "triggers" or emotional stimuli formed by life experiences.

One trigger that seems to be released often is from a question that I am asked almost on a daily basis.  "Why don't you go to church anymore?"  This is a great question since a large portion of my life was spent in this context.  In my attempt to understand my emotional response, I have turned the question back around on the one asking, in hopes they will give me insight in why they think I should or shouldn't go.

Here are some of the responses I have received by me asking them, "why should I go to church?":

• You need to sit under somebody and learn
• You need to go for healing
• You need a community of people
• You need to go serve something bigger than yourself
• You need a small group
• You will never experience love like you experience from the church
• Because the Bible says you should (this one was really lame and I had a hard time keeping my mouth shut...but I did)
• Your kids need to be in church

I look over this list and ask you, "why should I go to church?"  Many of these seem very shallow, a little guilt laden, full of ulterior motives, and exclusive.  I'm on the other side now, where I work all week, have kids in sports (one of my favorite things to do is watch them--great joy), and to come to a Sunday morning/Saturday night service is not something I really want to do.   I don't want to add another thing...especially one that I've found to potentially destructive,  something I have to force my kids to go, and convince myself "it is the right thing." Yeah, that sounds fun...kinda like sitting at the dinner table as a kid being forced to eat the nasty brussell sprouts that you know is gonna make you puke.

So, to all you pastors out there--HERE'S YOUR CHANCE!!  Tell me, "why should I go to church."  I won't argue with you, attempt to embarrass you online, or debate you...I truly want to hear what you have to say.  I may disagree, but I will respect your response and hold my tongue.  I'll respect you just for having the balls to respond because I bet most will not respond.  Here is your chance to not only respond to me, but the hundreds of others like me that have disappeared off the "church scene" and the hundreds that are walking away each week.  Maybe some of you would like to respond in the opposite--why one shouldn't go to an institutional church (I lean in this direction). 

The bottom line is this: I ask, because I still care.  It may be covered in pain, but I still care.  I heard many years ago that you only become angry at what you truly care about.  Great advice! 

Unzipped

I NEED HELP!!  To say that, takes a lot for me...and I mean "A LOT!!"  Recently I went to a great friend and coworker and looked at him and said, "Hey bro, I don't know what to say, but I need your help."  He asked me how he could help me and I replied, "well...(long pause), I don't know."  Have you ever felt that way before?  Deep down in the core of your being you desperately want help, but at the same time you don't know how to ask for it or what you need help for?

When I drove home I asked my wife, "what's going on...it's not like I'm mad at God.  I know my anger is not based upon Him or what he has done."  Then you get these people that try to help that say, "Well, you just got to keep your eyes on God and not people."  Ok, sounds nice and fuzzy, but there is one problem...I'm surrounded by people 24/7 and when I'm not around others, I'm around myself and I'm one of them--there is no escape.  So, what seems like good advice kind of sucks and isn't really logical. 

Soooo, I'm gonna put it out there...as part of my "therapy" I'm going to write my story.  For the first time I'm ever I'm gonna put it all out there--unzipped and uncut.  The good, the bad, and the ugly mixed with joy, successes, and life changers.  I'm going to talk about everything from things that happened to me as a child that shaped me subconsciously as a person, what caused me to go into pastoring, falling from pastoring, depression, science, psychology, parenting, and why I believe many of the doctrines in the religious tradition I'm in are completely ridiculous and actually cause more hurt rather than healing...and that isn't even half (I need help right now with this ridiculously long sentence).  It is going to be uncut and expose the "behind the scenes" of church leadership, but also expose the hurt that I never dealt with--raped as a child, death, watching marriage, divorce, marriage, divorce, marriage, divorce, and suicide.  I need to get this OUT or I may die of spontaneous combustion. 

Here is where I need help:
(1) I suck at proofreading and my English isn't that great.  I need somebody who has some writing skills that can help me tweek my writings.  I want to write in conversational form and not be some academic or scholarly work.  Sometimes I tend to be a little pedantic.
(2) I need a group of open minded people to keep me accountable and get this out.  I've had tons of people say I needed to write my life story, but I've never done it...I tend to start things and not finish.  I need some encouragers to keep me going and write from the heart, even when they disagree with some (or maybe even all) of my beliefs :)
(3) I need people to challenge me to keep pushing when I'm to tired to push.  I need people to help me share their stories, their beliefs and unbeliefs, etc.  I need some honest people to get honest with. 
(4) I need some people to pray for me...not to be the person you want me to be, but who God designed me to be.  I know I've started praying for people and asking God to make them into this and that and I like, "Wait a second...I'm asking God to turn them into what I think they should be...I think he already knows...DANG IT!!!"  

Could you help me with this?  Whether it turns into a published book, an ebook, or a bunch of random thoughts, I think this is a way for me to get out everything that is trapped within.  I think it will help my healing, and I believe...I know it can help others who have been through similar events.  It may take me a long time, but I want to at least give this a shot.   The last thing I want it to be is a "been there done that" book--I hate when people say that...it is one of my biggest pet peeves.  Everybody's story is unique and nobody has been where you've been, but where you've been can help somebody where they are, and where you are could help somebody who is lonely where they are feel comforted.  You are not alone!!!  I think I will call it "unzipped, my life exposed."  The last thing I want this to be is a book of advice...it will be a book that says, "hey, you're not alone here...I'm still figuring this thing out too."  The best advice I ever got was while I in training for coaching.  The instructer said, "People don't need advice.  They already know the answer, they just need somebody to pull it out of them."

Reinvent = Resurrection

reinvent |ˌrē-inˈvent|
verb [ trans. ]
change (something) so much that it appears to be entirely new.

This isn't the word you want to come face to face with while staring down the pipe at 39 years old.  I've thought about all the people I've come into contact with over the last 15 years that lost their jobs...people that worked at the same place for 25 years and then--boom--the place shuts down, relocates, or "restructures" and their position is eliminated.  I've always pushed for change, championed change, and ripped on people for not changing, but now I'm finding it very taxing, emotionally.  It becomes especially difficult when you identify with something for so long (even if you don't like it) to reinvent yourself to become something entirely new.

Even though I never fit into the identity of what a  "pastor"  is supposed to be, disagreed with many of the procedures, and hated going to the long, boring, ridiculously redundant board meetings...it had become who I was.  It's like the person that hates working on the assembly line, but had been doing it for so long that if you took him away from it, he wouldn't know what to complain about anymore...know what I mean?  I confess...it's tough!!  I'm glad I'm out of it, but at the same time my natural instinct is to run back to what I'm familiar with. 

Then I asked myself a question...is the story of the Bible about "running back to familiarity" or better yet, is it about, "finding yourself."  I've heard a lot of people say, as well as give me advice, stating; "you just need to find yourself."  Really, really...is that what it is about?!  The old fable says that we are lost and what we need is to be found...isn't that what the song "Amazing Grace" is about?  Isn't that the story of the prodigal son...he was lost and then found...or is it?  To be found is not to take responsibility, but shift if to somebody else.  I'm lost, but it is up to somebody else...God in particular, to find me.  Sounds like the game "hide and seek" that I used to play when I was a kid. 

When Adam and Eve went and hid, yes, God came looking for them and when he did find them he asked them a question.  The question was directed at them taking responsibility for their actions.  They never did.  God basically told Abram, "Go get lost--leave your familiarity."  Jacob when he left and fled for his life, it wasn't to be found because if he was found he would have been killed.  Ishmael and his mother Hagar, really had it bad--they were sent packing to roam in a desert (see Genesis 21)

Genesis 21:14 Early the next morning Abraham took some food and a skin of water and gave them to Hagar. He set them on her shoulders and then sent her off with the boy. She went on her way and wandered in the Desert of Beersheba.

It seems to be a common theme throughout the text, and I've notice a common theme in my life.  It's like, "What the hell did I do...now I wandering again.  What's the point?"  Walking from wandering gets old, and the older you get, wandering becomes scary.  It's scary because we are supposed to have found "purpose" at this point in our lives.  Can you imagine being Abram and by the time you get to retirement age your life gets thrown into chaos and doesn't make any sense anymore.  Damn man, I'm almost 40...this is when I should start taking off.  I've done the hard work of the 20's and 30's, put in the time, got the experience, now this?!?!?!   Maybe just maybe, I had it all backwards.  I read this quote from an unknown author: "Life isn't about finding yourself.  Life is about creating yourself."

Adam had a chance to reinvent himself and become something new.  Abram was intentionally put on some crazy odyssey in order to reinvent who he was, reinvent his family...and eventually birth a nation from it.  Jacob had to reinvent himself because his "deceiver/liar" self wasn't working out to good...it had become very familiar.  Even Jesus of Nazareth, had to reinvent himself.  This reinvention is called, "resurrection."  That is one teaching (one of the few left) I cling on to is the idea of resurrection.  I have a chance to reinvent who I am.  Maybe I've intentionally been lost in order to reinvent who I am.  Maybe being lost isn't so bad...ask the prodigal son.  If he was never lost then he would have never reinvented himself, got up off his butt, took some responsibility, and did something to change his current situation.  It's so hard...I'm not gonna lie...it's the hardest thing I've ever done.  I know there are a lot of people out there that have lost their jobs and are facing one of two things--reinvent or fall into a deep dark depression...I feel you.  I know for a fact that there are pastors out there that are just playing the part, even though they don't buy into all the political bs that goes on, but feel like they can't leave because they don't have any idea what they would do with their lives or how they would provide for their families--been there...it's a scary, scary place.  Maybe God is calling you to go get lost and reinvent yourself.  I know I have bitterness in my heart and some anger, but at the same time, for the first time...I understand people much better--their hurt, their sufferings, their lost-ness.  I now believe Jesus didn't come to save you from your lost-ness, but to enter into your lost-ness with you.  He will wander with you through the "Desert of Beersheba." He did with Ishmael.  He will even die with you in your lost-ness, so that you can "reinvent" who you are and become something totally new.  

Lech Lecha!

 

Turning Point

I'm not real sure the proper way to begin a blog, but by saying..."hi."  As selfish as this sounds, I've lived "in my head the last few weeks."  I've had multiple phone calls asking multiple questions that created a multiplicity of emotions.  I'm still trying to process all of these questions that evoked all kinds of emotions within. Check out some of these questions...I'm sure you've been asked the same thing or something similar:

• Do you still believe the same?
• Do you still believe in salvation?
• Do you believe in the devil?
• Do you believe that Jesus died for your sins?
• Do you believe that you must have faith to be saved?
• Do you believe in demons, heaven, hell, etc...?
• Do you believe...

The questions were all "do you still believe," or "do you believe."  I did voice my "beliefs" and "unbeliefs" to a dear friend whom I trust, but to the others who asked, I just looked at them with a blank stare.  I wanted to know the motive of their questions.  Honestly, I was afraid to answer because of the onslaught that may come from it...I know, I know...I was probably assuming the worse, but what is the point?  I understand that beliefs catoragize people groups and departmentalize organizations, but does it also determine relationships?  I also understand that "beliefs" can determine employment status...especially in ministry.  I don't argue that.  A "belief" is an acceptance that something is true...it is what unifies organizations, but is it the unifying factor in relationships? 

What if I said "yes" to only a couple of the questions asked above...or maybe only one...what if I didn't say "yes", but "no."  How would you feel about me?  Now, now...don't assume anything at this point because I haven't answered any of them.  I'm merely asking a question to answer the question.  If I don't say "yes", will you still listen to what I have to say?

Next time you ask a question, think before you ask and ask yourself, "If I don't get the answer I want, will I listen and allow them to ask me questions as well.  Can I still be in relationship with them regardless of their answer."  Can you walk with somebody whose beliefs differ from you, and learn from each other? 

As I wrestle out the many questions and emotions that are passing before my eyes, I reflect on this song by Killswitch Engage. 

In these days that pass before me
There was an anxious feeling that would hold me down
Tearing me inside
Bleeding my spirit

This is the turning point, the rising of the tide
No fear inside
This is the change that takes the suffering away
No more wasting time

Face the pain that suffocates
As the past returns to torment me
Wallow in my scars
Save me before I break

This is the turning point, the rising of the tide
No fear inside
This is the change that takes the suffering away
No more wasting time

Find the strength to maintain
Give me, give me a reason to believe
Search for truth that will not change
Give me, give me a reason to believe

Find the strength to maintain
Search for truth that will not change 

 

Peace my fellow travelers...Lech Lecha!!

Cornfields and Skepticism

It's been a little while since I posted...and there is a good reason.  I found myself slipping deeper and deeper into cynicism, skeptisism, and almost unbelief.  I HAD TO TAKE A BREAK!!  I found myself many times reading Christian blogs, listening to another sermon, or seeing some corny Christian Facebook post that, to be honest, angered me (cheesy church signs put me over the edge).  Then to top it off, I would get emails from Christians giving me some advice that was ridiculously platitudinized.  It was the typical religious response that, to be honest, just bores me to death anymore.  I'm going to make a huge confession here, religion, church, and Christianity and really quite boring to me, has become quite dull, and is like an old country town that you grew up in that never changes, and you spend your whole life trying to get out of it and make something of yourself because you don't want to be like everybody else in that town (longest run on sentence ever).  It's like a vicious cycle where everybody become like everbody else, uniqueness is gone, and you just take over the family business.  In more simple terms...it has become very ridiculously dull.

THEN...something awesome happened a couple of weeks ago.  As I was driving back home a brand spankin' new perspective suddenly came upon me.  I began noticing things that I hadn't noticed before--even though I had seen them a million times.  This next part may be boring to you, but I must say it was exhilerating...even breath taking for me.  I saw green cornfields swaying in the breeze as the sun was setting.  It was as if God, himself, painted the most beautiful picture, put 3-D glasses on me, and then added motion.   The hills, that I had drove past year after year after year, came alive with colors, life, energy.  The sunset was...well...I can't really explain it...it was so incredible that all I could do was tear up and say..."WOW, there is a God."  My car felt like I was on one of those IMAX theater chairs where you are surrounded by 1080p awesomeness. 

AND, that is when this little thought came to me, "You missed the reality of what is right in front of you all of these years and it wasn't until you left and came back that you could see it for what it really was all along." It was then and there that things begin to make sense.  I had been in "it" for so long that I no longer saw it for what it really was...even though it surrounded me 24/7.  My "eyes" had become "dull."  It was also in this moment...call it God, call it maturity, call it a revelation--whatever, that it is ok, even necessary to leave something for a while, in order to come back and see it for what it really is.  Ohio has never been more beautiful in my 38 year life.  Family has never been more precious to me, than they are right now.  Simple things, like going to the driving range and hitting balls with my son, have never been more beautiful.  I believe it is ok to walk away from church...even Christianity as a religion, for a while.  When you are in it for so long sometimes you miss the beauty of what it really is.  It becomes like a small town, or a local bar, or a job that you go to everyday for 30 years...DULL!! 

I think good-byes are healthy...even necessary.  I felt a peace when I realized, "I need to leave for a little while, so that when I come back I can see the beauty of what it really is."  I know that is probably against  everything I preached for so long and maybe against very firm beliefs that some Christians reading this might have.  I don't want to become like that old dude that never left Mayberry who constantly looks angry and is bashing anybody new coming in.  I also don't want to become the person who left Mayberry and is constantly bashing it for what it never becomes. Does that mean I quit blogging...naaaa!  My blogs will become just a little more personal and introspective.  One day I may want to break a scripture down historically and linguistically, sometimes I may just say, "You know, today sucked...here's why."  So, I will continue to Lech Lecha...and I hope if you are stuck, dull, and feel trapped in church, you can feel that is ok to leave...God won't condemn you.  He told Abram to do it...

Random Thoughts...

I'm going to be out of commission over the next few weeks and probably won't blog.  I may throw a few thoughts up here and there.  I will be in the process of moving my family another 1000 miles back to Ohio, taking a long needed vacation, and starting some new adventures. 

Until then, I want to toss around a few ideas that I've been writing about that will show up in future blogs.  Maybe you would like to comment or share some ideas on topics that I want to blog about.  I know some topics maybe be taboo, some ideas shouldn't be questioned, and some things just need to be exposed.  Hopefully you will join me on this journey.

1.) American Christianity is CAPITALISM
2.) Elohim--is God a polytheist?
3.) Does Christianity Own God?  Monopoly?
4.) So, if I don't believe like you, am I "out"?
5.) Is Christ bigger than our doctrine?
6.) Gay, Lesbian, Straight...is this really the issue?
7.) Knowledge of Good and Evil is necessary (Genesis 3).  Fall or Elevation? 

Just a few thoughts I have bouncing around in my head as I drive through the country side. 

The Object of Action and Expression

"ME" is the object of an action (a verb) and an expression (preposition).  If our actions and expressions define us as the object, then we are self-defined and originate inwardly.  Scientifically, this wouldn't make sense, because we would be our own creator.  Yes, to a degree we create our situations, our destiny, and our character, but when there is little to no action or expression at the beginning then we need some kind of action or expression to define who we are.  Even the "Big Bang" has both action and expression in it.

I would like to share something that I find quite remarkable that opposes the notion that human beings are fallen, sinful creatures that are destined to some mythological hell.  In Genesis 1:27, "God created the human being in His own image, male and female He created them."  The word, "human being", "mankind",  or "man"--depending on what translation you use, is the word "adam" in Hebrew.  THIS IS NOT SOME DUDE'S FIRST NAME, but the general word for "humans."  The reason it is not masculine only is because of the next sentence--"male and female he created them."  If I can, I want to break this down mechanically and hopefully it will be something pretty cool and life-giving.  


Hebrew is such an awesome language and I've grown to love it over the years...especially when it comes to this verse.  "Human" in Hebrew is the word "adam."  Adam has three Hebrew letters, the aleph, the dalet, and the mem.  Many times in the ancient Hebrew text, aleph was a symbol they used for God.  Even Jesus described himself as the "aleph" (or in Greek the alpha)--or the beginning.  The dalet and mem make up the word "dam" which means, "blood."  This compound word could be broken down as "God's blood."  God created the human (God's blood) in his own image. 

Here is where it gets really cool!!  Each Hebrew letter has a definition that in essence, "tells a story" by the way it is shaped or by the way it was formed.  At this point it is so hard not to be pedantic and give tons of details that you may not find interesting, at the same time I'm afraid I will leave something out of great importance...SOOOOO, here goes nothing!  Rabbis describe the aleph as the paradox between God and man.  It is made up of a few other Hebrew letters, two yuds and one vav, describing pictorially creation.  In the beginning, the Hebrew Bible speaks metaphorically of the waters above and the waters below, the upper atmosphere, and the lower atmosphere.  The vav that separates the two yuds describes the separation between the two like a mirror.  They are identical, just flipped around.  The "yud" is the little mark above the big diagonal line.  You will notice that there is another one upside down on the opposite side of the line.  This little "yud" is the first letter of God's name, "Y-H-W-H."   This is the first letter that defines the human being.  The aleph begins to describe who we are and how we are a snapshot of God, but through a mirror.  We are not "fallen" creatures destined for doom, but images bearers of God.  This tripped me out when I first saw it because even Paul talks about this idea in his letter to the church at Corinth: "For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known"(1 Corinthians 13:12).  The beginning of maturity is seeing yourself for who you really are--the image of God...just in a mirror.

The second letter is the dalet which rabbis describe for us as "the door."  The door is that which leads into the house, commonly referred to in Hebrew as the "beit."  The beit is the second letter of the aleph-bet...coincidence?  I don't think so!!  Scholars have much to say in regards to this letter and its early Semitic pictograph roots.  One of the definitions that goes along with "a door" is the action of the door--"back and forth movement" as one goes back and forth through the tent.  The dalet symbolizes back and forth movement into God's dwelling place.  

The last letter, MEM,  is described as "water" (mayim) or the fountain of God's Divine Wisdom.  Rabbi Ginsburg described "mem" like springs flowing from unknown subterranean sources.  The springs/water flowing is symbolic of God's wisdom flowing through creation and through his Word.  Early Semitic writings have the mem as horizontal squiggly lines that look like water.  The mem is the flow of God's wisdom.  

CHECK THIS OUT: by breaking down the Hebrew word (adam) to it's core we see that the human being is the door(movement/action) to God's Wisdom(expression)--just flipped in a mirror.  We--you and I, are God's object of action and expression.  Question: Is God's action and expression doomed?  I would argue, "of course not."  Can it be misinterpreted...SURE!!  Can it be misunderstood...yes!  But, what if we began to understand each other in this light.  Not just each other, but what if we began to understand our self (ME) as God's object of action and expression.  We are just "mini-me's." Just a few thoughts...LECH LECHA!!