When I drove home I asked my wife, "what's going on...it's not like I'm mad at God. I know my anger is not based upon Him or what he has done." Then you get these people that try to help that say, "Well, you just got to keep your eyes on God and not people." Ok, sounds nice and fuzzy, but there is one problem...I'm surrounded by people 24/7 and when I'm not around others, I'm around myself and I'm one of them--there is no escape. So, what seems like good advice kind of sucks and isn't really logical.
Soooo, I'm gonna put it out there...as part of my "therapy" I'm going to write my story. For the first time I'm ever I'm gonna put it all out there--unzipped and uncut. The good, the bad, and the ugly mixed with joy, successes, and life changers. I'm going to talk about everything from things that happened to me as a child that shaped me subconsciously as a person, what caused me to go into pastoring, falling from pastoring, depression, science, psychology, parenting, and why I believe many of the doctrines in the religious tradition I'm in are completely ridiculous and actually cause more hurt rather than healing...and that isn't even half (I need help right now with this ridiculously long sentence). It is going to be uncut and expose the "behind the scenes" of church leadership, but also expose the hurt that I never dealt with--raped as a child, death, watching marriage, divorce, marriage, divorce, marriage, divorce, and suicide. I need to get this OUT or I may die of spontaneous combustion.
Here is where I need help:
(1) I suck at proofreading and my English isn't that great. I need somebody who has some writing skills that can help me tweek my writings. I want to write in conversational form and not be some academic or scholarly work. Sometimes I tend to be a little pedantic.
(2) I need a group of open minded people to keep me accountable and get this out. I've had tons of people say I needed to write my life story, but I've never done it...I tend to start things and not finish. I need some encouragers to keep me going and write from the heart, even when they disagree with some (or maybe even all) of my beliefs :)
(3) I need people to challenge me to keep pushing when I'm to tired to push. I need people to help me share their stories, their beliefs and unbeliefs, etc. I need some honest people to get honest with.
(4) I need some people to pray for me...not to be the person you want me to be, but who God designed me to be. I know I've started praying for people and asking God to make them into this and that and I like, "Wait a second...I'm asking God to turn them into what I think they should be...I think he already knows...DANG IT!!!"
Could you help me with this? Whether it turns into a published book, an ebook, or a bunch of random thoughts, I think this is a way for me to get out everything that is trapped within. I think it will help my healing, and I believe...I know it can help others who have been through similar events. It may take me a long time, but I want to at least give this a shot. The last thing I want it to be is a "been there done that" book--I hate when people say that...it is one of my biggest pet peeves. Everybody's story is unique and nobody has been where you've been, but where you've been can help somebody where they are, and where you are could help somebody who is lonely where they are feel comforted. You are not alone!!! I think I will call it "unzipped, my life exposed." The last thing I want this to be is a book of advice...it will be a book that says, "hey, you're not alone here...I'm still figuring this thing out too." The best advice I ever got was while I in training for coaching. The instructer said, "People don't need advice. They already know the answer, they just need somebody to pull it out of them."
You know I will help an anyway possible just give me a ring. You just have to pull it out of yourself to dial! Believe me I know how hard it is because we're that similar
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