Reinvent = Resurrection

reinvent |ˌrē-inˈvent|
verb [ trans. ]
change (something) so much that it appears to be entirely new.

This isn't the word you want to come face to face with while staring down the pipe at 39 years old.  I've thought about all the people I've come into contact with over the last 15 years that lost their jobs...people that worked at the same place for 25 years and then--boom--the place shuts down, relocates, or "restructures" and their position is eliminated.  I've always pushed for change, championed change, and ripped on people for not changing, but now I'm finding it very taxing, emotionally.  It becomes especially difficult when you identify with something for so long (even if you don't like it) to reinvent yourself to become something entirely new.

Even though I never fit into the identity of what a  "pastor"  is supposed to be, disagreed with many of the procedures, and hated going to the long, boring, ridiculously redundant board meetings...it had become who I was.  It's like the person that hates working on the assembly line, but had been doing it for so long that if you took him away from it, he wouldn't know what to complain about anymore...know what I mean?  I confess...it's tough!!  I'm glad I'm out of it, but at the same time my natural instinct is to run back to what I'm familiar with. 

Then I asked myself a question...is the story of the Bible about "running back to familiarity" or better yet, is it about, "finding yourself."  I've heard a lot of people say, as well as give me advice, stating; "you just need to find yourself."  Really, really...is that what it is about?!  The old fable says that we are lost and what we need is to be found...isn't that what the song "Amazing Grace" is about?  Isn't that the story of the prodigal son...he was lost and then found...or is it?  To be found is not to take responsibility, but shift if to somebody else.  I'm lost, but it is up to somebody else...God in particular, to find me.  Sounds like the game "hide and seek" that I used to play when I was a kid. 

When Adam and Eve went and hid, yes, God came looking for them and when he did find them he asked them a question.  The question was directed at them taking responsibility for their actions.  They never did.  God basically told Abram, "Go get lost--leave your familiarity."  Jacob when he left and fled for his life, it wasn't to be found because if he was found he would have been killed.  Ishmael and his mother Hagar, really had it bad--they were sent packing to roam in a desert (see Genesis 21)

Genesis 21:14 Early the next morning Abraham took some food and a skin of water and gave them to Hagar. He set them on her shoulders and then sent her off with the boy. She went on her way and wandered in the Desert of Beersheba.

It seems to be a common theme throughout the text, and I've notice a common theme in my life.  It's like, "What the hell did I do...now I wandering again.  What's the point?"  Walking from wandering gets old, and the older you get, wandering becomes scary.  It's scary because we are supposed to have found "purpose" at this point in our lives.  Can you imagine being Abram and by the time you get to retirement age your life gets thrown into chaos and doesn't make any sense anymore.  Damn man, I'm almost 40...this is when I should start taking off.  I've done the hard work of the 20's and 30's, put in the time, got the experience, now this?!?!?!   Maybe just maybe, I had it all backwards.  I read this quote from an unknown author: "Life isn't about finding yourself.  Life is about creating yourself."

Adam had a chance to reinvent himself and become something new.  Abram was intentionally put on some crazy odyssey in order to reinvent who he was, reinvent his family...and eventually birth a nation from it.  Jacob had to reinvent himself because his "deceiver/liar" self wasn't working out to good...it had become very familiar.  Even Jesus of Nazareth, had to reinvent himself.  This reinvention is called, "resurrection."  That is one teaching (one of the few left) I cling on to is the idea of resurrection.  I have a chance to reinvent who I am.  Maybe I've intentionally been lost in order to reinvent who I am.  Maybe being lost isn't so bad...ask the prodigal son.  If he was never lost then he would have never reinvented himself, got up off his butt, took some responsibility, and did something to change his current situation.  It's so hard...I'm not gonna lie...it's the hardest thing I've ever done.  I know there are a lot of people out there that have lost their jobs and are facing one of two things--reinvent or fall into a deep dark depression...I feel you.  I know for a fact that there are pastors out there that are just playing the part, even though they don't buy into all the political bs that goes on, but feel like they can't leave because they don't have any idea what they would do with their lives or how they would provide for their families--been there...it's a scary, scary place.  Maybe God is calling you to go get lost and reinvent yourself.  I know I have bitterness in my heart and some anger, but at the same time, for the first time...I understand people much better--their hurt, their sufferings, their lost-ness.  I now believe Jesus didn't come to save you from your lost-ness, but to enter into your lost-ness with you.  He will wander with you through the "Desert of Beersheba." He did with Ishmael.  He will even die with you in your lost-ness, so that you can "reinvent" who you are and become something totally new.  

Lech Lecha!